What Using Dating Apps Have Taught Me

AH dating. DATING. dating. No matter how you say it, it doesn’t ever get sweeter. If you’re anything like me, hearing the word dating alone can send you into cold sweats. I don’t know why but I’ve always hated the idea of it, not the idea of having someone, the putting myself out there part. I hate it. I’ve always been against dating apps. Ask any of my close friends, whenever they so much mentioned Bumble, Tinder or Hinge I’d get defensive, I’d ensure them that it wasn’t for me without even trying, and swear that I will meet someone the old fashioned way. Old fashioned being; in real life.

Since quarantine started the prospect of going to get drinks after work, meet new people at bars is pretty much slim to nothing. Who am I kidding, it’s literally nothing. No where is opened. So after some encouragement from my Mom OF ALL PEOPLE, I downloaded Hinge with an attitude of “why, not?”. It’s been a little over a month since I’ve had it and man oh man, I’ve learned so much about myself, this game of dating and what I want in a future partner.

IT’S OKAY TO BE PICKY.

I didn’t realize how picky I was until I started using this app. The moment I see a picture of someone hunting, a Trump supporter (eye ROLL), or a little yes next to the cigarette image, I don’t even entertain the thought of them, it’s a hard no from me. Call it shallow, call me picky but I realized it’s okay to be sure of what you don’t want in a person at first glance. If you can’t accept the hints of their personalities in pictures that you see then save yourself the time and heartbreak and don’t even entertain it. Yes, there’s a line between being too picky to the point of you looking at someone and deciding their eyebrows were too far apart, or their nose was too small for their head. Being picky about someones religious beliefs if that is something important to you, or if they smoke or not. Those are valid deal breakers and that’s OKAY!

BE UPFRONT WITH WHAT YOU WANT.

I didn’t realize exactly what I wanted until one of the guys I was talking to asked me flat out and simply, what do you want? I honestly never really thought about what I needed in that moment. Vocalizing what you want is so important, it saves both parties so much time! Whatever it is you want, say it. There is no shame in that.

DON’T PUT UP WITH BULLSHIT

I think guys are dumb. Seriously, and no offence to any male reading this now, I’m sure you’re lovely and have many talents and lots of ambition but when it comes down to what to say to a woman to initiate conversation I can’t tell you how many RUDE, ABSURD AND CRUDE things I’ve had to sassily reply to. Stand up for yourself when you see a comment, or conversation starter you don’t like, you honestly have NOTHING to lose.

TAKE A BREAK IF YOU NEED TO.

I can’t tell you the amount of people who have started a conversation and cannot for the life of them continue it. I can only ask so many questions!! I get tired of swiping most days, I get tired of small talk, it’s the purgatory of dating. I take breaks from the apps all the time, I think it’s becasue I stopped taking it too seriously to begin with. Whatever happens happens, but that shouldn’t be depended on wether or not you continue to swipe.

IF NOTHING ELSE, USE THIS AS A CONFIDENCE BOOST.

I’d be lying if I said swiping and matching with guys who I decided were out of my “league” was something that didn’t get me excited, I think it’s human nature to want to be wanted, desired and want to have people be attracted to you. There’s nothing wrong with that. I told a friend when I downloaded Hinge about a month ago, I said “even if I don’t meet my husband on this app, I feel good just putting myself out there, talking to people and I’m gaining a lot of confidence”, we both agreed that there was nothing wrong with that, going so far as to agree they were transferable skills haha. POINT IS, even if you’re scared to put yourself out there, or nervous, or all the things I was when I downloaded the app, just do it – if anything you build confidence and there’s nothing wrong with that.


Are you on any dating apps? Do you have any horror stories? I’d love to hear them !

As always I hope you are keeping well and I am sending love across oceans to all of you. Until next time,

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24. Canada. Good Time Enthusiast.

21 thoughts on “What Using Dating Apps Have Taught Me

  1. I actually met my current partner on a dating app which I’m very happy about but I definitely agree you have to be very upfront. People are on these apps for multiple reasons so you need to make sure they know what you’re looking for.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 100% – I’ve definitely been there where I’ve beaten myself up for not having a ton of people matching but I’ve learned to let it roll off, and I think that’s made me stronger as a person. Thank YOU for reading, xo

      Liked by 1 person

    1. YES ! such a coincidence, but SO many of my queer friends said that apps are where they found most of their really close friends. I think that’s so cool especially when real life can be so brutal sometimes. Thank you for reading, xo

      Like

  2. I am not a dating app gal, like you, I’d much rather meet someone irl. And for sure – there’s nothing wrong with being picky.

    One thing I learnt recently though from my tarot reader is to give people a chance. I’m the type of girl that if I meet someone but don’t instantly have that feeling of like ‘wow, I’m in love, I want this to go somewhere’ type of thing, I don’t give the guy a chance because I don’t see the point of wasting time. Which is fair enough, but my tarot reader / Spiritual counsellor suggested I give people a chance, because dating is about dating, not about committing to the first person who I went out with. So I’m starting to open up a little more now and be open to dates even if I don’t immediately think they’re the one. It doesn’t have to be so serious straight away! And I guess, even when I thought they were the one, it hasn’t worked out so why not try the other way right 😂

    Also horror stories! Well, I’ve met a few people from Tinder. One guy was lovely but there was no romantic spark. He also encouraged me to apply for Love Island on the first date (after me saying how I’d previously considered it), so I thought well he’s obvs not thinking long term here is he then if he’s encouraging me to go on a dating show loool 😂😂😂😂

    Another time I was speaking to this guy on tinder then decided he wasn’t for me, anyway I went out to a club that night, and bumped into a friend I knew from work who also knew the guy from tinder, and she was with him trying to get me to say hello 😂😂 I couldn’t believe it 😂😂

    Anyway, dating apps can be so fun sometimes but also draining I find. I really can’t wait for life to resume properly so I can actually meet people irl again! Good luck gal ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I couldn’t agree more. I am the same as you, I HATE wasting time. I tend to run before things get to serious in fear of being stuck in something I don’t want to be stuck in becasue that person isn’t as perfect as Harry Styles….. BUT I am trying to actively remind myself dating shouldn’t be pressured, it should be fun and it should be a way to learn more about what you do and don’t want in a partner! & same, I should also be trying this the other way around LOL

      Oh GOD. That’s why I’m not on Tinder, I find that most people are only on there for something quick – short term! (ALSO SIDE NOTE – I’m a HUGE Love Island UK fan!!!). Thank you for reading my friend, ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. OMG WHY ARE WE THE SAME PERSON AHAHAHHAHA! That is literally me 😂😭😂 I feel like I have to be sure they’re ‘the one’ before even going on the date, or smth because I don’t want to have to end things later on omg! I actually feel so torn, like I want to be in a loving relationship with my soulmate but also I feel like I’m scared of commitment- but I think that just means I haven’t met the right person yet. Like I know I could commit to someone 1000% they just got to be my perfect someone! So true. It should be fun!! For sure! Haha for real 😅 well, I’m looking forward to starting dating irl soon 😂

        Yeah that’s what a lot of people say but I know a few people who have met long term partners on tinder so I do believe it can work, but I really don’t think it’s for me having said that I did match with someone gorgeousss recently 😂😂 we spoke for a bit but then he went quiet 😂 still hoping he’ll pop up again hahaha. 😂

        Yes Love Island is great!!!!! Gutted it won’t be on this Summer 😦 did u watch the Winter version?

        Of course! Such a great post love ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

      2. WE ARE THE SAME PERSON !!! Love it so much. It’s literally the stupidest way to go about dating, “making sure he’s the one” before continuing so I’m actively trying to get better at this.

        Winter season as in SEASON 6 WITH THE BABE THAT WAS LUKE M AND LUKE T. YES I watched it !!!! Who were your faves? ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Omg!! I know me too haha I’m just gonna go on dates to have fun and for the experience rather than going in with the ‘he is my soulmate’ mindset and if not not bothering going 😂 I mean if I meet someone who makes me feel like that then AMAZING but it’s not going to be my sole dating criteria from now on. The experience is necessary also!!!

        YES Luke M and Luke T!!! I love their bromance haha. My faves were Luke T and Siannise I wanted them to win!! Love them both so much and you’re not going to believe it I almost met them recently when I was working!! Someone came into the store and asked if I knew who they were randomly I was like yes!?!? And apparantly they were outside in the shopping centre. I had a walk around to see if I could meet them but they’d gone 😭😭 who were your favourites!? Xx

        Liked by 1 person

      4. YES !! I ADORED Siannise and Luke T, I really wanted them to win as well but LOVED Paige and Finn. oh no !!!! I would have passed out if I met them, they were just the sweetest couple ever I couldn’t even handle when he asked her to be his girlfriend and when they said I Love You I JUST COULDN’T HANDLE. They are so cute.

        Question for you – what is an another good series of the show? I’ve only season series 5&6 and didn’t love 5.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Yeah Paige and Finn are also a great couple, so they are of course worthy winners too ❤ OMG seriously the way he set up that princess thing was just so amazing, they seem genuinely so happy together I've never known a relationship to warm my heart so much haha. Literally the best couple ever.

        Okay hun, so personally I'd recommend S1 & S3, S3 is the first I watched and I loved it, then I bingewatched S1 and what I like is that it's a little more authentic because it's the first one. Everyone raves about S2 being the best series, literally ask anyone (except me because I haven't seen it), but everyone I know loves series 2 and says it's the best. I've seen a few episodes but this was after it aired live, so I never had the time to fully bingewatch it. I tried to start from the beginning last night actually but netflix have removed it 😦 I really want to watch series 2 though because it's so well hyped. So if you can watch that give it a go also. Series 4 was okay, I actually preferred series 5 to 4 so I'm not sure if you'll like 4 but give it a go. Also Love Island Australia I'd recommend. I'm currently rewatching it as they're airing it here in the UK since this years UK one has been cancelled because of corona. I watched it when it first aired two years ago and thought woah, this is intense haha. SO I'd recommend Australia Love Island also! (the first series)

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  3. I’ve never been on dating apps but I totally agree with your points! I think having a first written contact (instead of a physical one) allows us to truly estimate if the person who’s talking to us is somehow interesting for us, it gives us more tools to choose the more suitable person for us! So I totally agree that it’s okay to be picky and to know exactly what we want and look for it! 😊 Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I downloaded bumble on a whim and was lucky to reconnect with an old friend from high school on it. A year and a half later and we’re still dating! No horror stories from me but I realize this probably isn’t the norm 😂

    Liked by 1 person

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