AH dating. DATING. dating. No matter how you say it, it doesn’t ever get sweeter. If you’re anything like me, hearing the word dating alone can send you into cold sweats. I don’t know why but I’ve always hated the idea of it, not the idea of having someone, the putting myself out there part. I hate it. I’ve always been against dating apps. Ask any of my close friends, whenever they so much mentioned Bumble, Tinder or Hinge I’d get defensive, I’d ensure them that it wasn’t for me without even trying, and swear that I will meet someone the old fashioned way. Old fashioned being; in real life.
Since quarantine started the prospect of going to get drinks after work, meet new people at bars is pretty much slim to nothing. Who am I kidding, it’s literally nothing. No where is opened. So after some encouragement from my Mom OF ALL PEOPLE, I downloaded Hinge with an attitude of “why, not?”. It’s been a little over a month since I’ve had it and man oh man, I’ve learned so much about myself, this game of dating and what I want in a future partner.
IT’S OKAY TO BE PICKY.
I didn’t realize how picky I was until I started using this app. The moment I see a picture of someone hunting, a Trump supporter (eye ROLL), or a little yes next to the cigarette image, I don’t even entertain the thought of them, it’s a hard no from me. Call it shallow, call me picky but I realized it’s okay to be sure of what you don’t want in a person at first glance. If you can’t accept the hints of their personalities in pictures that you see then save yourself the time and heartbreak and don’t even entertain it. Yes, there’s a line between being too picky to the point of you looking at someone and deciding their eyebrows were too far apart, or their nose was too small for their head. Being picky about someones religious beliefs if that is something important to you, or if they smoke or not. Those are valid deal breakers and that’s OKAY!
BE UPFRONT WITH WHAT YOU WANT.
I didn’t realize exactly what I wanted until one of the guys I was talking to asked me flat out and simply, what do you want? I honestly never really thought about what I needed in that moment. Vocalizing what you want is so important, it saves both parties so much time! Whatever it is you want, say it. There is no shame in that.
DON’T PUT UP WITH BULLSHIT
I think guys are dumb. Seriously, and no offence to any male reading this now, I’m sure you’re lovely and have many talents and lots of ambition but when it comes down to what to say to a woman to initiate conversation I can’t tell you how many RUDE, ABSURD AND CRUDE things I’ve had to sassily reply to. Stand up for yourself when you see a comment, or conversation starter you don’t like, you honestly have NOTHING to lose.
TAKE A BREAK IF YOU NEED TO.
I can’t tell you the amount of people who have started a conversation and cannot for the life of them continue it. I can only ask so many questions!! I get tired of swiping most days, I get tired of small talk, it’s the purgatory of dating. I take breaks from the apps all the time, I think it’s becasue I stopped taking it too seriously to begin with. Whatever happens happens, but that shouldn’t be depended on wether or not you continue to swipe.
IF NOTHING ELSE, USE THIS AS A CONFIDENCE BOOST.
I’d be lying if I said swiping and matching with guys who I decided were out of my “league” was something that didn’t get me excited, I think it’s human nature to want to be wanted, desired and want to have people be attracted to you. There’s nothing wrong with that. I told a friend when I downloaded Hinge about a month ago, I said “even if I don’t meet my husband on this app, I feel good just putting myself out there, talking to people and I’m gaining a lot of confidence”, we both agreed that there was nothing wrong with that, going so far as to agree they were transferable skills haha. POINT IS, even if you’re scared to put yourself out there, or nervous, or all the things I was when I downloaded the app, just do it – if anything you build confidence and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Are you on any dating apps? Do you have any horror stories? I’d love to hear them !
As always I hope you are keeping well and I am sending love across oceans to all of you. Until next time,